


Autumn Magnolia

by dyslexicdecisions



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: AU, F/F, Gen, Love Triangle, and also rectangle, but also non AU, c - Freeform, i have so many headcannons i tried to get alot in one fi, idk - Freeform, kobin, lots of shapes, or pentagon, tallex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:56:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyslexicdecisions/pseuds/dyslexicdecisions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> "Kelley O'Hara was a mess and so was I. This time I couldn't tell her it'd be okay, I couldn't sit beside her and hold her. This time I was selfish and I ran, I ran so hard I thought I might hit the ocean soon and maybe keep running.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>I couldn't stay there and be her bestfriend right now, because I  wanted so much more than that and she couldn't give me that." <i></i></i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>(I want people to guess who's telling the story; you can have a prize we'll figure out what it is later.)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The thing about Kelley was she was a people pleaser. She hated hurting people and because she was in the middle of this whole mess, she had to make hard decisions. There were things she wanted, that she couldn’t have, things she thought she needed. Really everything had been turned upside down and the league had been a great distraction. Everything had been a great distraction, but it had gone on too long now. Everyone was back together now. Everyone included had been called into the world cup qualifying squad and winning was what everyone wanted, so Kelley would probably have to sort this out. _Probably._

It was no secret to the team that Tobin had a thing for Alex. She was hardly subtle and the only person she was fooling, was herself. What was a secret was that Kelley had a thing for Tobin. For those who were privy to this information, it made Kelley seem like a superhero. The three of them were inseparable and Kelley supported both of them in everything. Even though Alex had the spot on the team that she wanted and now also, the girl that she wanted. If that wasn’t impressive enough, Kelley also didn’t resent Tobin in anyway. She was just head over heels in love with her. Maybe that’s why she didn’t even flinch when Tobin would pick Alex over Kelley, every single time. 

Well that’s the thing, she did flinch. Just not in front of them. 

Maybe being a defender was more apt to Kel’s life than being an attacker ever was. She defended everyone around her, if you were Kelley O’Hara’s friend you were one lucky son of a gun – because that girl would do anything for you. She’s so good at defending others that nobody really notices that she defends herself. She’s so practiced at it, so good at hiding it that it’s almost impossible to notice. Unless you’ve known her for years. Not just on the field or in the dressing room, but just every day, in school at home. You’d have to be very close to her and very observant. It’s easy to miss now, but when she was younger not so much.   
Ever since Kelley had met Tobin, they had gotten on like a house on fire. Even in the Cardinal vs Tar Heels days. They met at the after party, because we still had them back then and Kelley had gone straight over to UNC’s no.98 and shook her hand. Told her she was a phenomenal player and that she really enjoyed playing against her. That was Kelley, always making others happy even back then, she couldn’t help but compliment someone. She had no filter and everything would just come out. Tobin never changed really, she was always just chill about everything and when she invited Kel to sit down and introduced her to her friends it was just because… Why not? Tobin was _always_ , why not?


	2. Chapter 2

Then when Kelley got called up for the national team she was so nervous – but she had one safety. 

“At least Tobin will be there. I’ll be fine with Tobin.” She’d say repeatedly throughout the days coming up to her first camp. She had to be reminded that she had played with some of the girls on the youth teams too.

In fact she had played with quite a few of the girls on the team, right from U17’s up til the U23’s. When they got their call up’s for the senior’s she was ecstatic, they had always talked about playing for the full team, but waiting was the worst. If she had known she wasn’t going to be called I think she wouldn’t have been as bothered, but as all her peers were gradually getting called up all she could do was wait. That was the hardest part so far. She’d call old friends for support.

“What if they don’t want me? I mean Amy and Tob’s got called in ages ago. I mean Casey’s there too and Cheney – they don’t need me.”

“Kel relax, they can only take so many people in a squad and they need to give everyone a shot. Yours will come around.” She was insufferable sometimes, so inpatient and almost impossible to please.

“But what if they don’t –“

“There’s no way they’re not going to. I mean I don’t know if you know this, but you’ve got like eight million awards and you broke I don’t know how many records. They won’t just ignore that, they’re just taking their time.”

“I’ve got 6. And I think you broke more records than I did.”

“Beside the point Kel.”

“I wish they wouldn’t take their time.” She always huffed when she was annoyed.

“It’s so annoying.” 

“I knew you were gonna say that.”

“Well aren’t you so wonderful.”

“I am yeah, but so are you. So hang in there you’ll get the call.” She could sigh for a year but she knew everyone was right. She had to be patient.


	3. Chapter 3

When she did finally get the call, she was more relieved than anything. She rang everyone who she’d ever ranted to and apologised profusely. We were right - she just needed to be patient. But that wasn’t her forte back then.

When Pia told her she was playing right mid, she thought she might have to maybe try the whole patience thing. Why would she get called up to play out of position? Was she not good enough as a striker? Maybe she shouldn’t have stayed for the NCAA tournament and proven herself in the U20 World Cup. Maybe that’s why it took them so long to call her up? They _did_ win it without her.

Her doubts were back but being at camp helped, she fell back into a pattern as she had done with the youth teams. Tobin as her roommate – the two were inseparable. Tobin helped, she told her that you had to be in top nick to be put into midfield and her fitness could be a factor. Maybe Pia needed someone to run circles around everyone. That sparked Kelley’s brain, she became unstoppable in every fitness test. She would run until she collapsed if that would prove to Pia she could play on this team. 

When she got put on as a sub, she worked her ass of. Play or die style, but it seemed as if it was in vain because she wasn’t played for the rest of the tournament. And when she came home it was obvious it’d taken its toll on her.

“Do you think I’m fit?”

“Kelley you’re a professional athlete, of course you’re fit.” 

“I know but I mean as far as professional athlete’s go, how fit am I?” She was someone you could roll your eyes at so often, you’d get worried they’d roll out.

“Kelley, you’re fit. Like one of the fittest.” 

“Why do you always sound so patronizing when you answer my questions?” She’d pretend to be upset but knew what was coming next.

“Why do you always ask such stupid questions?” That got her to smile, ‘cause that’s what she wanted. Just playful banter to get around what was actually bothering her.

“You know people think you’re quiet and sweet.”

“Yeah well, people don’t know me like you do.” 

“You’re mean and…” Another huff.

“Annoying.” 

It started off small like that, a few time’s she’d try to ask sneaky questions until it was obvious she needed to talk. That’s when the hiding started and it was nothing to do with her feelings for people, it was to do with her first love – _soccer._


	4. Chapter 4

It started, again, with a huff.

“I’m so annoyed.”

“Never would have guessed.”

“No I’m serious. I don’t understand why I’m getting this call up.”

“Do you not want it?”

“No! I mean of course I want it. Just not like this, I mean poor Ali but also why me?”

“Because you’ve got awards and records and played with them before? I mean why would she not want you?” 

“But why me I don’t understand at all...” Her cogs were turning and everything in her brain was one muddled mush.

“Why not?”

“Ugh, don’t say that. You sound like Tobin.” 

“You talked to Tobin?” 

“Yeah she was the first one I called.” 

“ _Oh._ ” She’d huff again, her mind fixed on whatever mush was forming in her brain.

“She was useless, she just congratulated me.” 

“I thought you would’ve come to me first… Why are you so annoyed anyway?”

“Maybe I should have… I’m just all over the place. I’m upset for Ali. I’m happy I got the call. I’m annoyed I got the call. Why would Pia call me up for Ali? Ali’s a defender?” That’s what it was.

“I wasn’t good enough as a striker so they put me in midfield and I obviously wasn’t good enough there, so now they’re putting me in defence.” Her logic wasn’t sound, anyone in their right mind would understand that. But it was hard to not be heartbroken when you heard something like that come out of someone like Kelley’s mouth. 

“You know that’s not how it works.” She’d sigh and her shoulders would fall. Feeling defeated and disappointed. 

“Pia’s a legend, a genius. Maybe she see’s something in you that you don’t even know is there.” 

“You’d see something like that in me.”

“Yeah maybe I do.”

“Would you tell me? If you did?”

“No. I think I’d keep it to myself.” 

“Why?” Her eyes would fill with curiosity with the simplest of questions, anyone would have their breath taken away and this time was no different. Her stare was so intense yet so sad, you knew you’d have to make your answer good. Just for her to be happy again, even just a little.

“I think if you knew, you’d taint it. ‘Cause you’d be conscious of it maybe you’d try to get rid of it or try to make it a bigger part of you, when really whatever amount you’ve got is the perfect amount.”

“Going all psychological on me?” A smile, a jab – _progress._

“Maybe.”

“You always know what to say. Thanks.” 

“Cause I’m always right.” That got a laugh and an eye-roll and normal Kelley had almost returned.

“We can agree to disagree on that.”

Then when it came to the Olympics – that’s when everything started for sure. Especially the real life defending. She started to realise something that, some of us had known for a while. It was subtle things mostly. Pairing up in practice, bus seats, dinner tables, team meetings. Even when it just came to simple things like queuing to get something or even team huddles. Kelley just had to be near Tobin as much as she possibly could, even when a lot of the time she’d be overlooked for Alex she would still have to be near. A lot of people didn’t see it, especially the people who hadn’t known her long, I mean like I said she was a defender and the three of them were best friends anyway. 

Heather Mitts, however, did pick up on it. She may have been the teams resident prankster but she was an observant little cookie. She could pick up on stuff a mile away and since the tournament had started she had taken Kelley under her wing. As requested by a concerned goalkeeper, but Heather didn’t mind. Kelley and her had the same soul, light at heart but deep in mind. They got along brilliantly and Heather maybe thought that she had found herself an apprentice to take over once she retired. It was because of the closeness and likeness the two had discovered that Heather had picked up on it and Kelley was cornered one night after a gaming session with Tobin and a few others. She had just said goodnight to her and was standing stupidly in the corridor, a blank expression on her face when Mittsy opened her adjacent door.

“Get in here you smitten idiot.” It was always a sign of love when an insult came from the blonde defenders mouth. I think it must have softened the shock of her knowing, because she just silently hung her head and followed. With a curt nod and sad smile, Heather shut the door and followed her number 5 into her room.  
I never found out exactly what went down in that room, but I know even to this day, Kelley is eternally grateful to that woman. Kelley didn’t change much, I think she was still hopeful that maybe one practice Tobin would want to be her drill partner, but now instead of standing there watching the two of them run into each other in excitement and then awkwardly turning to find someone herself. Her head would snap to find her partner in crime – and now her partner in training. Heather tried to help distract Kelley and it worked for a while. A really good while.


	5. Chapter 5

When we won, the atmosphere on the whole team was enigmatic. We couldn’t have been happier and winning of course led to celebrations, celebrations led to drinking and drinking, unfortunately this time, ended in crying.

Kelley could hold her drink, she may have been a Stanford grad, but Stanford new how to party. That’s what Hao would say every time she bumped next to us. Everyone was dancing and singing and Kelley’s energy always had its gravitational pull. At parties, it’s multiplied by thousands. She was the centre of the room, centre of the dance floor centre of everyone’s attention. Almost everyone. 

“You Stanny kids know how to Party!” Hao was yelling again and swaying all out of time and out of sync with everyone. You knew it was bad when Hao was bad. So the lightweights on the team, they were a worry. 

Alex Morgan, could not hold her drink. Nor could Tobin Heath, in fact neither of them could hold their drinks. Said drinks had been shoved onto the counter in the downstairs bathroom and then abruptly knocked over and into the sink. Tobin had managed to lift Alex onto the counter and simultaneously destroy the entire worktop with a ghastly beer and cocktail concoction. 

Neither of them flinched, a plane could have landed and they wouldn’t have known, their eyes closed, mouths attached, hands… Well I’m not really sure what their hands were doing. They didn’t hear the toilet flush or the hand drier go on and they definitely didn’t hear the door close.

It wasn’t really a surprise, like I said Tobin wasn’t exactly subtle and Alex loved the attention, she was also an idiot that didn’t want to hurt her best friends’ feelings. So she never shot her down, never said anything when Tobin was too close, or saying too much and Alex got comfortable. Too comfortable and now they were drunkenly making out in the downstairs bathroom of some English nightclub miles away from any responsibilities or consequences. 

Well that’s what they thought.

“Hey Kel! I was looking for you!” Not here, not now.

“You were?”

“Yeah I wanna do shots, come on!” 

“Oh, okay sure I just need to pee.” 

“No you don’t! Come on!”

“No I really do! Let me past.” She tried a side step, this time she wasn’t the one defending.

“Nope, let’s do shots come on!”

“Why are you being so weird? What’s in there?”

“Nothing I just don’t want you to break the seal and I wanna get drunk! Come on Kel, doesn’t this remind you of old times?”

“Not when you’re being weird and I need to fucking pee, come on just…” Another side step.

“What’s in there?” She wasn’t going to give up.

“You don’t wanna go in there.”

“What’s in there?” 

“Please Kelley, don’t go in there.” But she did, she pushed past, she opened the door and must have only got two steps in the door before turning around and running back out again.

That’s when centre of attention Kelley, left the party. It didn’t take long to find her, there were some parts of her that would never change and I was pretty sure this was one of them. She loved the ocean, she always said it calmed her but here in the middle of London, there was no shoreline for her to watch. But there was a river.

“You found me.” She kept her eyes on the Thames. They were still red from the tears.

“I always find you.” She turned and smiled and took a hand that wasn’t hers. She lay down, the stars glistening above her head.

“This reminds me of old times.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I miss this…Us… I’m glad you’re here with me.” 

“Me too Kel.” And nothing else was said for the rest of the night.


	6. Chapter 6

“You know, don’t you?”

“Know what?” She flinched a bit, unsure of how to say things out loud. When did that happen? Because Kelley never used to have a filter and everything would just come out.

“Do you remember when Mittsy kidnapped me in Scotland?” She looked nervous.

“Yeah.” 

“You know what that was about?” 

“Yeah.”

“Did you know then?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Would you have wanted me to?”

She thought for a moment.

“I don’t know.” That was big – she did know. She knew right well and so did I, but she was guarding herself. 

“Heather was the person to look after you, not me.”

“How do you know that?” 

“You would have got angry at me, told me I was looking into it too much and that I should mind my own business.” She was speechless, but her expression was realisation. Her thinking about what would have happened and she knew she was being told the truth.

“You are always right, aren’t you?” 

“You’re only getting that now?!” She was smiling again and not worried defender Kelley anymore.

It was easy to be patient for Kelley, I knew she’d open up fully eventually. It would just take time, time I could handle, worry and hurt – I could handle that too. If it was for her, I would do just about anything, because she was a defender for me. She helped me through rubbish times and now it was my chance to do the same. 

“You need to talk.”

“No, I’m alright thanks.” She’d smile and try and turn the other way.

“It wasn’t a question Kel, sit down.” And she did, she sat next to me and told me everything.

She told me how it started and maybe she didn’t know herself when it properly did. They had always been best friends and maybe she had always seen them just progressing as more. She told me how, when she got the call-up she just rang Tobin without thinking and Tobin asked to see her. They met up for coffee and went for a walk down the beach. She said Tobin seemed so serious all day. She was happy for Kelley getting the call-up and she kept saying how glad she was that she’d be on the trip because she needed a friend. She told her how she thought she liked girls and she was surprised it was hitting her kind of late.

“I told her it wasn’t an unusual thing, you know? Some people don’t figure themselves out ‘til really late on and then some people can just fall in love with anyone.” She scoffed at the memory almost disgusted at herself, her eyes were glazed with tears trying to escape.

“I remember her smiling at me when I told her and she just reached for my hand and pulled me in for a hug. Maybe that’s when it hit me.” She shook her head looking anywhere but me. I hated that, I needed to see her eyes. 

“I couldn’t just be friends with her because there was a part of me that was stupid enough to think she might have been talking about me.” I could feel my own composure cracking and all I could do was nod at someone who wasn’t looking at me.

“Then when we were in England, I suppose I got my hopes up and I was blind not to see but…”She couldn’t finish her sentence so I did it for her, wishing more than anything that she would just look at me.

“That’s what happens when you’re in love.” She sighed and nodded, so I opened my arms and let her fall apart in them.


	7. Chapter 7

After learning about how Kelley felt about Tobin and just how deeply it affected her, I began taking more notice of the relationships going on around her. When Mittsy announced her retirement Kelley got worried, worried she wouldn’t be able to survive a camp without her. The first proper camp we had was the 2013 Algarve cup and not only that but the day that Heather announced her retirement we had a match, so everyone was taking about it.

“I knew it was coming, but I wish they’d just shut up about it.” She’d whisper to me quietly trying to stop her face from showing how uncomfortable she was. She laced up her cleats and headed quickly into the bathroom. 

Across the room nobody had noticed her leaving, Tobin and Alex were leaning against the lockers shamelessly flirting, too caught up in each other to notice anything else. I sighed and looked down at my own boots, wishing more than anything that I could help Kelley In some way, or at least tell the other two to tone it down. Some of the team didn’t know, but the ones who did always made little jabs at them, Playful not hurtful, but Kelley would take a deep gulp whenever she heard one.

“Do you think it’ll last long?” Kriegs slid down the bench beside me.

“I dunno, they seem to be in honeymoon mode. I don’t think you can tell when people are that happy together.” She nodded at me.

“Listen, Heather told me about Kelley and I know you care about her so I just wanted to let you know, I’ll have her back when you’re not around. Or even if you are, you can trust me okay?” She smiled sweetly at me and it was all I could do to return a smile. We heard the hand-dryer turn on in the bathroom and Ali leaned in to me.

“And just so you know, I don’t think it’ll last. Alex is straight, she just needs to be close to someone.” She sat back again.

“There’ll be a lot of pieces to pick up, but Kelley will be alright. She’s got you.” She put her hand on mine and squeezed it lightly before sliding back across the bench back to her place. 

Kelley came back to her seat, her eyes avoiding the two at the locker in front of us. Thankfully, young Lindsey Horan who had played with Tobin at PSG, was making her way over. She stood right in the middle and the tension became less heated.

The game went well, Alex scored twice and Kelley was right up there celebrating with us. As if she wasn’t bothered at all, she was just happy Alex had scored, she was happy we were winning, she was happy she was playing. That’s what soccer did for her, it made her forget everything outside the lines and she was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, never got such a quick reaction from a fic before.
> 
> You probably guessed the chapters are really short because they're not really chapters, they took away my paste from word option and I can't html so I'm putting each section of history into a chapter.
> 
> The chapters'll get proper long (if you read any of my other stuff you know i mean looong) when it eventually gets to present day. Which is also when I reckon I'll properly say who I am in the story.
> 
> Keep your guesses coming though, love hearing your ideas :)   
> T. xx


	8. Chapter 8

Freud once said; “We are never so defenceless against suffering, as when we love.” 

Well, if ever there was a time I thought I could use that quote, watching Kelley go through what she did the next couple of months, was _definitely_ the time.

First there was the announcement that Alex and Tobin had been allocated together in Portland. She knew they’d move in together, probably get even closer. Then there was Alex’s knee injury. Tobin waited on her hand and foot and Kelley knew every detail.

Tobin as clueless as ever, wanted to tell her best friend everything. She wanted to tell her how much she couldn’t believe something had _actually_ happened, she told her how Alex texts her more than she texts Servando. How she thought that maybe because Alex brought him up so little, she might break up with him soon.

She didn’t realise that with every new bit of information she told Kelley was slowly but surely killing her.

 _Then_ came December 9 th 2013\. Alex Morgan announced her engagement.

At first, I thought it was terrible. Personal reasons really, it gave Kelley more of a chance with Tobin. Then I thought maybe it was good, I mean it gave Kelley more of a chance with Tobin? Then I thought of Tobin and how terrible it must be for her and then I thought, who would she go to?

I think we all know the answer to that.

It wasn’t til about a month later that I got a call.

“Kelley, it’s early what are you doing?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Oh, okay…”

“Promise you won’t freak out?”

“Promise.”

“I slept with Tobin.” Jesus Christ, I spat my orange juice everywhere. It was comedic.

“What?” I stood up and left for the bathroom, taking my shirt off as I went. I dried the juice from around my mouth with it then threw it in my wash basket.

“I slept with Tobin.” The other girl repeated down the line, I couldn’t tell if she was excited or nervous or happy or worried. I couldn’t gauge anything really, I was in shock.

“Oh right, well that’s… something?”

“Why do you sound like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to choke someone.”

“I don’t know Kelley I’m having a bad day.” I replied shortly.

“But your day just started!”

“And your day shouldn’t have started yet, why are you up so early?” I tried to turn the conversation, but it was just my luck that, that, was the exact question _not_ to ask.

“Well actually, I haven’t slept yet. I wanted to tell you…” _Oh, good God._

“Do you mean, you just… Finished up and then rang me?” My mind began to flash with images of Kelley and Tobin rolling between the sheets together. I looked at myself in the mirror, my stomach was turning and I watched as my eyes swelled with tears.

“Well yeah.” Kelley said and I could practically see her shrug.

“Why not?” No, that was Tobin _not_ Kelley. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and sound normal on the phone.

“That’s gross. Listen Kel, I really am having a shit morning. Is it okay if I text when I’m feeling better and you can ring me?” I managed to get it out in one breath, I think I may have been scared my voice would betray me if I made it start again.

I hung up the phone without listening to her reply and just looked at myself for a moment.

I felt awful, like I wasn’t good enough, like I was ugly, like I wasn’t wanted or needed. Most of all, I felt guilty, guilty for being so jealous of my best friends happiness.

I managed to get myself from the bathroom floor to my bed, which I stayed in all day. It was almost 5pm when I heard my apartment door open. It was shortly followed by whispering and then a small tap on my bedroom door.

“Are you contagious?” The concerned right back smiled at me, coming into the room and closing the door behind her. I simply shook my head.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked quietly, her hand reaching to stroke my hair back.

I took a deep breath trying not to fret while I spoke.

“I don’t think I can.” I whispered, my eyes locking onto soft brown ones.

She nodded and climbed into bed beside me, her left arm pulling me into her, the other bringing the quilt to cover us. I fell asleep like that occasionally waking up and crying for a while, but I was never alone. I had a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold me and say absolutely nothing. To be honest, I couldn’t have asked for more in that moment.

It wasn’t til late in the night, when I was just recovering from one of my panicky cries that the brunette spoke again.

“You know, they say _we’re never so defenceless against suffering, as when we love_.” I gave the older woman a small chuckle.

“You know Freud?” I asked, a small curve at the corner of my mouth.

“I know lots of things.” She smiled in return.

“Now, get to sleep.”  And I did.

 


	9. Chapter 9

I never texted Kelley. She rang a couple of times but I’d just text her saying I was busy and I’d ring back, or I was out or something. It was easy to avoid her but it was short-lived. I got called up for national duty a few weeks later. It would have been too obvious if I avoided her so blatantly while at camp, so she invited me round for dinner and a catch up and it was time I faced the music.

Kriegs gave me a nice prep talk before going over, telling me to keep talking about things that I had done and people I had met. Try to keep it superficial she had told me, that way there’d be no time to have a deep conversation about Tobin and her feelings or anything like that. Well that was the plan anyway.

When I arrived Kelley was sat on her balcony looking out across the bay. She was staring at the sea but her phone was held tightly in her hand. I could tell because he knuckles where white with how tight a grip she had on it.

“Contemplating life?” I yelled up to her, a smirk on my face. It took her a while for her to react. She looked down slowly and cocked her head to one side.

“Sorry, do I know you?” She got up and leaned over the railing, smiling back at me.

“Do you watch porn?” I replied quickly. She laughed and nodded me towards the door.

“It’s open.”

It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I think in the weeks that I’d been avoiding her I’d forgotten how close we were. How easy it was to fall back into best-friend mode was astonishing. We talked about simple things, our new club lives mostly. Kelley told me about how different it was to be up in Jersey now and she never once mentioned anything about Tobin. We did quickly glaze on Alex’s injury but it was just a, “she’s gonna be so pissed she’s missing out”, sort of thing.

I had almost forgotten that I had been so distant lately. It had been three hours of catching up and I felt like we never left each other’s side. It was homely. It always felt that way with Kelley.

“So if you weren’t contemplating life earlier, what exactly _were_ you doing on your balcony?” I asked without preamble, a long time after dinner had been digested. It hit me as soon as I said it, how dangerous of a question it might be.

“Thought you were gonna break your cell.” I chuckled, trying to keep it light.

“I was actually gonna ring Kiwi and I was just having the conversation in my head…” She smiled shyly.

“What?” If it wasn’t for a glass or two of wine, the colour would have drained from my face.

“I was gonna ring Ali, you know… Stanford, Gold Pride, New Zealand?” She joked obviously mistaking the shock in my voice for confusion. I was very thankful for that.

“I know who Ali is… I just was surprised.”

“Why?”

“Because Kelley O’Hara, rehearsing what she’s saying?” _Nice save._

“Yeah, well I have a feeling it’s going to be a really important conversation.” I raised my eyebrows and completely forgot myself again.

“Do you wanna talk to me about it?” She watched me for a moment, biting her lip. Her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes shot from one of mine to the other, examining intently.

“I don’t think it’s something I can talk to you about.” She said carefully. Her eyes still locking me in place.

“ _Oh_.” I felt myself panic again, did she realize I had been avoiding her since talking about Tobin? Was it naïve of me to think she wouldn’t notice? But it was only four weeks? I definitely could have been busy four weeks in a row…

“I mean, I think we would have spoken about it already if I could talk to you about it…” She tried to correct herself obviously sensing how uneasy I was. I was hoping that was the only thing she was sensing.

“You’re being very cryptic.”

“I’ve taken up crosswords.”

“Oh, har-har.” And just like that it was normal again.

It was another hour before our conversation turned to me leaving. It was late and I was almost certain tomorrow was a double-day for me.

“I really should hit the road.” I yawned looking towards the door, not yet ready to make the journey.

“Just stay, go in the morning.”

“Ugh Kel, I can’t do that. What if they give us surprise morning drills.”

“That was one time and it was Carli’s birthday…” I laughed at her response and sighed. I really wasn’t in the mood for driving back to the hotel. Especially when it was so cosy in Kelley’s apartment. _That_ and Kelley was here.

“Come on, you had some wine as well so really you shouldn’t drive…” She nudged me with her elbow, a cheeky grin on her face.

I threw my head back and groaned.

“I know you don’t wanna go…” I could hear the smile in her voice and I felt like my heart was in my throat and I was about to throw it up at any second.

“Come on, we can get into our pyjamas and watch a movie and it’ll be great!” She smiled and I smiled back. I sighed dramatically, giving up.

“Your couch better be comfy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous you’re bunking with me!” She sounded almost offended.

I looked at her for a second too long.

“Is that alright?” I gulped.

“What do you mean is that alright?”

“I mean, you don’t have anyone coming over or…” I tried to sound casual. Kelley was quick to realise what I meant and seemed to panic.

“Uhm, no. Nobody comes over…” She said quickly getting up from her seat and heading towards the bedroom.

“It’s not a brothel you know!” She laughed at herself before closing the door.

I let out a long deep breath before quickly grabbing my phone and dialling.

“Alright my little Koala Bear?” Ali tried her best New Zealand accent, which was surprisingly still _terrible_.

“Hey, I can’t talk long. It’s an emergency. Kelley’s gonna call you, I just want you to promise me you won’t tell her anything.” I whispered into the phone.

“What happened?!”

“It’s a long story. I’m not even sure what she’s gonna talk to you about but you just… please don’t say anything?” I pleaded.

 I heard her sigh into the other side of the phone. At the exact same time Kelley’s door handle twitched and Kelley emerged from her room fully dressed in her PJs. Which weren’t two different from her training clothes to be honest, just a pair of shorts and a tee. She placed a set of bed clothes on the table in front of me and nodded questioningly towards the phone.

“You know what I think about the whole situation anyway.” The other girl said down the line to me.

“Yeah well I just wanted to let you know where I was Ali.” I said smiling and Kelley nodded at me and turned away.

“What?” The other girl asked confused.

“ _Oh!_  She’s there isn’t she?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, well I promise I won’t say anything, but _you_ should.”

“Maybe.”

“You should’ve a long time ago…”

“Haha, maybe! Well I’ll see you tomorrow Ali!” I said desperately trying to get off the phone.

“You’re lucky I’m such a good friend.”

“Yeah, thanks. Bye!”

“Bye..” She sighed and I hung up. I was so relieved I had gotten away with that, I barely noticed Kelley asking me a question.

“Sorry, I missed the beginning of that?” I asked confused.

“I just said, so you’re rooming with Kriegs? She’ll be glad you’re staying here tonight.” She looked over her shoulder at me and shot me a cheeky smile, her eyebrows wiggling.

“I don’t wanna know _anything_ that goes on in that room tonight… And if I find out? I’m blaming you.” I laughed, sending our Ali a quick message letting her know I was staying.

My phone beeped all of half a second later and Kelley laughed.

“I bet you that’s Ash and all it says is thank you.”

I looked down at my phone, it was from Ali.

**That’s alright hun, I’m guessing it went well then? Let me know if you need an emergency get away! Xx PS Ash says thank you ??**

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“I was right wasn’t I?”

“Yeah.” We laughed together. It was as if we were in perfect harmony.

“Stick your jammies on and we’ll pick a movie.” I nodded at her, smiling happily to myself.

I picked up the clothes she had chosen for me to wear and let out a snort. _Very attractive, I know._

“What?!” Kelley asked turning to me. I simply picked up the shirt she had chosen and showed it to her.

“Really Kelley?” I asked pretending to be incredulous. She laughed.

“Oh come on you can wear that!” She smiled.

“I know, but I just… It’s so typical of you, to put me in your Cardinal shirt.” She smiled mischievously and I rolled my eyes.

Throwing the clothes on quickly, I went and sat down beside her as she navigated her way through Netflix.

“You know, you once told me I could wear a bin bag and look good?”

“Yeah?” She asked not even looking up from the screen.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure I didn’t say a bin bag could wear _you_ and still look good?” She smiled to herself typing into the search bar.

“Hmm… _Yeah,_ pretty sure.” She laughed and looked at me, grinning broadly.

“Me too. I stick by it, you could wear nothing and still look great.” Her eyes widened at what she had just said and she stumbled over her next few words she was trying to get them out so fast.

“I mean… I meant… That’s not how… I meant anything, you could wear anything? I mean obviously you’d look good wearing nothing but that’s not what I meant. Not that I thought about that, you with nothing I mean. I just meant… I don’t think of you in…”

“KELLEY!” _Please don’t finish that sentence,_ was all I wanted to say, but I didn’t.

“I know what you meant, now what movie are we watching?”

And that was the end of that. I don’t remember the movie. I couldn’t watch it. I was hyper aware of everything that was happening. How close Kelley was, how we were both snuggled up under the cover together, the way she was breathing, the way her hair fell across her face every now and then. The way her stomach would tense every time there was an emotional bit, the way towards the end her eyes began to flutter and her head would droop and her mouth open before her head fell too far and she jolted awake again.

When she jolted awake again for the fifth or sixth time I’d had enough. I hit the pause button and moved my legs from under Kelley’s head gently.

“Is it over?” She asked sleepily.

“No, but your attention span is…” I mumbled to myself before bending down to pic her up.

“I can walk!” She said stubbornly, trying to push me away and get up.

“I know. But you’d rather not.” I stated plainly.

The brunette hummed and nodded and then held her arms out like a child for me to take her. I picked her up bridal style and headed towards her bedroom, flicking switches off as I went.

“You’re cute.” Kelley whispered as I placed her on the bed. I felt my heart flutter and my cheeks redden.

“For carrying me to bed I mean.” She corrected. I closed the door and climbed into the bed beside her. I  hummed in reply, not wanting to let my voice sound disappointed.

“And earlier…?”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted to let you know…” She was getting really tired now, her pauses were too long.

“I don’t think of you in…”  No please don’t.

“In like, compromising positions.” _Oh._

I laughed. It was better than what I had thought she was going to say.

“Suuuure you don’t Kel!” I joked before turning away from her, smiling to myself. I felt her scoot closer and her arm snaked around my abdomen.

“Mmm, maybe a lil bit.” I heard her smile again and it made me giggle. You’d think she was joking, but with Kelley you can never be quite so sure. So I just laughed and let that little tiny spark of hope form in my head.

“Night, Kel.”

“Mmmnight.”


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up was weird. There was a brief second before my eyes opened, that I knew Kelley’s scent and felt her warmth and I thought I had it all. It made my heart race and my mouth smile and I rolled over towards the squirrel loving forward. She didn’t even flinch, her eyes stayed closed her breathing steady and she was beautiful. More beautiful than usual and she wasn’t doing anything. Her freckles seemed perfectly placed, even the drooling was cute.

I wished I could have stayed, but it was making me emotional and irrational being so close to her in such an intimate situation. I had to get out, so I just grabbed my stuff and left still wearing her clothes.

By the time I got back to the hotel everyone was up anyway. Everyone must have thought I’d gone for an early workout because nobody gave me a second glance when I ran into breakfast late.

I took the only seat free and shoved my car keys into my bag before digging into my breakfast. I was almost finished when my phone started ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hey, were you late?”

“Oh hey, Kel. No I made it, don’t worry!” I laughed into the phone, surprised she had rang me but glad. I noticed when I said her name a certain brunette across the table perked up. She glanced at me before turning back to the conversation the others were having, but I could tell she was listening to me. It made me smile for some reason, the idea that Tobin was jealous of me. But that might not even be it. To be honest at that stage I wasn’t really sure as to what was going on between them, the last I had heard they had slept together. Then I went AWOL for a month. Maybe I should get over myself and ask Kelley about it.

“Good, I was worried when you weren’t here.” I felt my cheeks redden, I was so glad this was a _phone_ conversation.

“Don’t worry I won’t make it a habit, I just thought I’d be late…”

“Got to be honest it felt like a one night stand...” She joked easily and I couldn’t help but laugh. Tobin seemed to be eyeing me out of the corner of her eye now and to be honest I wanted her to be jealous.

“I promise I’m not a one night stand kind of girl.” I said as sultry as I possibly could.

“Oh I know that!”

“You do?”

“Ofcourse I do…” There were a few seconds of comfortable silence.

“I really enjoyed last night.” I couldn’t help myself.

“Yeah me too. I miss you loads you know.”

“Yeah me too.” I sighed sadly, it was the truth. I missed the way Kelley and I lost all inhibitions when we were together. Well me more so than her, seeing as she never had many to start off with. The night before had been a breath of fresh air and if I was honest I’d rather have stayed in her apartment every night instead of going back to the hotel.

“We should do it again?”

“Definitely I feel like there’s loads of stuff I’m still missing out on…”

“Yeah what are you doing Friday night?”

“I think I’m free Friday and Saturday we’re off.”

“Perfect, we’ll go out and party and properly catch up.”

“Sounds awesome.”

“When does something with me not?”

“Hmmm true.” I smiled into the phone, this felt all too much like flirting and I thought my heart was going to implode.

“So I’ll see you Friday?”

“Yeah, see you Friday!”

“Right. I’ll let you get on with your day then, love you!”

“Love you too Kel.” I hung up the phone and shoved it into my pocket a huge smile on my face, only vaguely aware of the two dark brown eyes burning into the side of my face.


	11. Chapter 11

It wasn’t long until Friday had arrived. We had an early practice on the field and an afternoon in the gym. It was a particularly strange day for me because every time we had to pair up I was grabbed by a left winger. It wouldn’t have been weird if it was just the once, but literally, every single time we had to pair up.

“Can I…”

“Sure Tobs, starting think you’re crushing on me though!” I laughed, knowing she had an ulterior motive. She laughed as well.

“I’m not Alex you know…” That was probably the worst thing I could have said, Tobin’s face paled immediately.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“No it’s fine, it was funny.” She smiled awkwardly before throwing me the medicine ball.

“It was tactless, I’m sorry.” I threw the ball back.

“I suppose this _is_ kinda out of the blue…”

“You need to talk?” I could tell she was unsure, she looked around shiftily.

“Do you like girls?” I almost missed my catch she took me by surprise.

“Uh, I guess I like people… If they’re a girl, they’re a girl.”

She nodded and stayed quite for a while. It worried me that she wasn’t talking that much. Tobin and I were close, it was not as if we never hung out. Being on a team like this makes everyone really bond and even though Tobin and I perhaps had some, _conflicting_ interests at the moment it was worrying to see her so quiet. It made me realise how childish it was of me to try and make her jealous.

It was almost the end of practice before Tobin said anything again.

“Are you seeing anyone?” I took a deep breath, this was obviously about the conversation I had with Kelley on the phone and it seemed like she was into her as well. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to get her to back off so I could have Kelley to myself. How could I though?

I had a flashback to walking up that hill near the Thames in London, Kelley’s eyes red from tears. Now the girl she had been crying about was trying to suss out if Kel and I were together. Could I take away that chance from her? What if Tobin had realised how good Kelley was for her? Could I make myself the person who got in the way of what Kelley wanted? Could I make myself the reason she was unhappy just to be selfish?

“Kelley and I are just good friends, you should know that.” Her eyes widened. She always thought she was good at subtle, but she _really_ wasn’t. We grabbed our water bottles and headed back towards our rooms, Tobin stayed in step with me.

“Good friends like Alex and I were?” She asked quietly watching me out of the corner of her eye. I felt my breath hitch. It scared me that someone else could know. I was uncomfortable with it myself, there was a part of me that thought our friendship would be over if any of this was to come out. I wanted to ask Tobin about Alex, it was hard to know now how it had affected them with Alex still out and not in camp.

“I don’t think that’s a fair comparison.”

“Probably not.”

“Do you love her?” I swallowed heavily.

“Do you love Alex?” Tobin stopped walking and looked away, blinking rapidly.

She looked back at me and her eyes were glassy. She gave me a small smile.

“Touché.” And she headed for the stairs, I could tell she was going to sprint all the way to the top.

It must have been an athlete thing, wanting to run your feelings out. Having Tobin ask so many hard questions made me think about them and I _really_ didn’t like that.

I managed to get into my room without any other hindrances and by the time I was in the shower I was crying my eyes out. I never thought I’d be crying in my shower over Kelley O’Hara of all people. It made me roll my eyes and laugh a bit and then I was doing that strange laugh-cry thing.

I got out and dried myself off, getting dressed and doing my make-up. No matter what happened, I couldn’t help but try and look my best for Kelley. I think it was engrained into me. I wanted her to notice me, to think that I was pretty, I wanted to make her want to kiss me and _definitely_ think of me in compromising positions. So I put on the dress that made me feel hot, I curled my hair and made sure there wasn’t a blemish in sight.

I heard a low whistle from Ali once I was done.

“Dang girl.” I rolled my eyes and just as I was putting stuff into my bag there was a knock on the door. Kriegs went to answer it and I heard a hey exchanged between the two. Ali opened the door and gave me a strange look.

“I’ve to go see Ash, if I don’t see you before you leave have fun.” She smiled before leaving quickly.

I smiled towards the door as she left, presuming Kelley was at the door, but it wasn’t.

“Oh wow.” The brunette smiled once she saw me.

“You look stunning.”

“Thanks Tobs.”

“Really you do.” I smiled.

“I just wanted to ask you something really..” She said and that was more like the Tobin I knew. Why not ask a question, what’s the worst that could happen?

“If you had Kelley and you loved her and you thought she loved you too. Then she left. What would you do?”

“Honestly, I don’t know Tobin.”

“Would you stop loving her?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” She nodded looking down.

“Would you give up on her?” I smiled knowing how hard it must have been for her to go through this. It made me wonder if she was able to talk to someone about it or if I was the first.

“You mean let her go?” I wanted to laugh at how ironic this conversation was. The brown eyed midfielder nodded at me.

“If it made her happy, yes. It’d be hard but I’d do it.”

“Would you forgive her?”

“That’s not a question. You know we don’t have a choice.” She smiled and nodded once more, she headed back towards the door and I followed behind her.

“Thanks, I didn’t realise we were in such similar situations.”

“Sucks doesn’t it.” She laughed and nodded once more, I locked the room door behind me.

“Yeah. Enjoy yourself tonight, I hope it goes well.” I let out a small laugh.

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gave me a hug, before turning the other way and heading towards her own room.

“Hey Tobs?” The left winger turned and waited for me to continue.

“It’s not me she wants.” I let out a breath, I felt myself getting shaky admitting it out loud for the first time.

“I want her to be happy, you know?” She didn’t say anything, but she seemed to understand. She turned the other way and walked down the corridor, her eyes glued to the floor. I watched her turn the corner before composing myself and heading for the lobby.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Once the lift landed on the ground floor and the doors opened I realised how much I was not ready to face Kelley right now. I had too many emotions bubbling inside and if Kelley was to say something too nice or jokingly flirt or maybe even touch me, there was a definite possibility that I would crack.

When I stepped out I spotted Kelley almost immediately, it’s like I was magnetised to her. She was north, I was south and even though we were opposites. I couldn’t stay away. Luckily she was talking to Ashlyn and soon as I copped it, I was dragged around a corner and shoved onto a chair.

“Are you alright? What happened? I’ve got Ash distracting Kelley…” Of course, of course she did. Because Ali Krieger was a phenomenal human being who always seemed to be doing the right thing. This right now was definitely the right thing. I felt myself tearing up and threw my head back quickly.

“It’s okay honey, don’t cry okay? You look amazing and you cannot ruin that make up!” She smiled as I fanned my eyes. She bounced on her knees and got comfortable before placing a hand on my knee.

"Did I ever tell you how Ash and I got together?" The dark haired woman asked, her thumb rubbing the back of my hand tenderly. It was a calming touch, my heart  was slowing to her thumbs pace and I was finding it easier to breath regularly.  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Well it was just before I left for Germany. She insisted that I go. Like profusely. It was strange 'cause we were already really close friends you know? And obviously she would support me but you know Ash is more chill than that. So when she was almost aggressively telling me to go. I knew something was up."  
  
I nodded listening intently. Ali and Ashlyn's lives were very private, even to us. Of course we knew more than most, but there were details that they just kept for themselves.   
  
"Even back then I had her wrapped round my little finger." She laughed, a smug smile stuck between her cheeks.  
  
"I just didn't know it." I smiled at that, it reminded me of Kelley, she had no idea the hold she had on me. I never would have thought she’d be Ali and I’d be Ash. Then again I just presumed that Ashlyn had asked Ali out and bobs your uncle. There were a few rumours that Ali made the first move, but seeing them together it was hard to believe.  
  
"So one night I got her to talk. It’s easy really, all you have to do is ask really broad questions and then slowly get more specific. She doesn't even know it’s happening. Not until it’s too late anyway!" She winked mischievously.  
  
"She wanted me as far away from her as possible. And she basically told me. I was so hurt, so annoyed. I thought I had done something terribly wrong, something that Ashlyn obviously couldn't forgive me for and the feeling ripped me apart."  
  
I felt my face drop. That was so out of character for the blonde keeper. She was head over heels for Ali and had been since I had known them. There was no way the Ashlyn Harris that I knew would want to banish her right back to another country.  
  
"I spent my first couple of months in Germany mopping mostly. Ashlyn didn't contact me at all. No call, no email, no text. Nothing. So in return, I sent her nothing. That's when I started to have feelings for her. I never told anyone, I thought it was just the idea of having that familiar attention back and maybe even more. Really it was so stupid and so cliché.” She rolled her eyes.

“It was like that song big yellow taxi... You know the line?"  
  
"Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got ‘til it’s gone." I sang it quietly and she nodded.  
  
"You know the feeling?" I nodded again, smiling a little. I knew it all too well.  
  
"It was Kyle that told me to get myself together. I had called him complaining about Ash being angry at me and he called bullshit. He basically said the two of us were being stubborn mules and just needed to talk." She smiled at the memory.  
  
"I flew home, thought that would be easiest. I thought if  I called her she could have not answered or hung up. I needed to see her face, make sure she was telling the truth you know?"   
  
"It’s always in Kelley's eyes, she has the brightest smile. She’s a really good liar but she just has the saddest eyes." Ali smiled softly at me, she had obviously noticing that I wasn't going to cry anymore. I was invested in her story and definitely not thinking about the conversation that Tobin and I just had.  
  
"I practically pushed my way into her apartment. I don't even know if she was trying to keep me out but I just pushed in and started ranting. I was like..."  
  
She took a deep breath and began impersonated herself, which was a pretty funny thing seeing as she sounded like herself anyway.  
  
"Ashlyn Michelle Harris, I don't know what made you so mad to make you want to banish me from your life and all the way to Germany but you are sure as hell gonna explain it to me! Because I have been beating myself up for these last few months and do you know what's the worst? I couldn't stay mad at you, because I love you so fucking much -" she paused and looked at me seriously for a second.  
  
"That's right I cussed."  
  
She gave me a charming smile and I couldn't help but roll my eyes and giggle at her silliness.  
  
"And I miss you too much, I actually can't live without you and you are not getting rid of me this easily." She stopped and for lack of a better phrase, broke character.  
  
"She just started crying and I went to hug her and she started yelling ‘no don't touch me!’ And then I got really angry. I started shouting back, ‘what did I _do_ to you?!’ And the two of us were just yelling and crying - it was a mess. It went on like that until neither of us could yell and we were just crying at each other."   
  
I couldn't tell if she was sad or happy about the story but either way I was hooked.  Ashlyn and Ali never fought so the fact that there relationship started with one was a huge shock to the system.  
  
"I stopped first and Ashlyn could barely talk her voice was all cracked and kept breaking she said, ‘how could you think I could just do that to you?’ And she sounded totally heartbroken and offended and it made me realise that Kyle was right. We never talked about it so how were we supposed to know what going on at all?"

“Are you saying I should tell  her?”

“I’m not at that part yet!” The dark haired woman laughed and I rolled my eyes.

“She was hiding her feelings for me. She thought it would be best if we were apart so she could get over me and at least she wouldn’t have to see me for a while. She was trying to get over me without even telling me what she felt for me.” She continued, her eyebrow raised giving me a knowing look.

“Now imagine if she had gotten away with that. We might not be together right now, how awful would that be?” She asked dramatically.

“It’s unimaginable!” I played along, now smiling broadly.

“Exactly! So what I’m trying to say is Ash was you. In your position, she was scared it would ruin our friendship, she tried to push her feelings away and that is exactly what you’re doing!”

“But what if…” She cut me off immediately.

“Don’t give me that shit! Aren’t you the live in the moment kinda girl? Make this day count you already look smokin’ hot!” She smiled and I laughed easily.

The right back stood up and offered me her hand.

“You ready to go get your girl?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself Al.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

  My night with Kelley, again, proved much easier than I had thought. There was something about being in her presence that just made me totally at ease with myself. Maybe that was what drew me to her. When I first met her I was a bit of a stiff, I’m not gonna lie and sometimes I feel like I can still be a bit measured. It’s probably because I think too much, I analyse myself and all my situations but when I’m with Kelley, it’s like I’m not thinking. I’m just living.

“So I’m gonna bite the bullet…”

“We’re all gonna die eventually…” Kelley said twirling her beer bottle towards me, her eyes rolling back in her head slightly and her head lolling forward. She was drunk and exhausted. We both were, we had drank and danced the night away.

“Kel that’s kick the bucket.”

“Oh sorry, I can’t really hear… Do you wanna go for a walk maybe?” She grinned toothily at me.

“Yeah sure!”

We both drained the last of our Bud’s and headed towards the cloakroom nodding towards the barman who had been very kind to us. He must have known we were from the hotel, who knows maybe he was a soccer fan. All I knew was as the night wore on our drinks were getting cheaper.

It didn’t take long for the small brunette and I to fall back into conversation, we made it all the way back to the hotel bar before Kelley’s memory sparked up.

“What were you saying about biting buckets earlier?” I laughed at her. Even though she had probably drank half her weight in alcohol she was still as sharp as a button. _No wait…_ Maybe the alcohol was getting to me too.

“Bite the bullet!”

“Go on then!” I rolled my eyes at the shorter girl who was wrapped in my coat and had managed to burrow herself into the couch we were sat on. Our booth was away from the other residents and we had a lot of privacy so I felt safe enough in asking her my next question without a stray teammate hearing it. Not that it would have mattered if they did and not that we had seen anyone when we came in either.

“So you and Tobin… What happened exactly? I’m sorta out of the loop.”

I watched closely as the defender deflated and stiffened almost simultaneously. She swept the hair off her face and looked at me seriously.

“I know why you were mad.” My heart quickened at her words.

“And I can’t blame you. I mean I totally understand. Especially now.” She broke our gaze and I managed to gulp some air into my lungs.

“It was wrong of me to sleep with Tobin. She was obviously in emotional turmoil and I was someone she trusted and I just totally took advantage of that because I had feelings for her.”

“Had?” I asked quietly. The brunette looked up at me again.

“Well, have. I’m still working on that. But honestly I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you guys were so close and I didn’t think you’d get mad. Well I didn’t think at all really I guess I was just being selfish because I wanted her…”

“Kel!” I had to interrupt her, she was completely off with her assumptions but it was a better reason than any excuse I could come up with. She stopped abruptly at my outbreak waiting patiently for me to continue.

“I’m sorry I got mad, I think it was just the shock. But I don’t wanna talk about that! Tell me what happened? What’s going on now?”

Kelley smiled sadly before explaining.

“I don’t know to be honest. I think she felt guilty after it happened. I mean I woke up and she was gone. I haven’t really seen her or spoken to her. It’s like she’s been avoiding me.”

“Aw Kel I’m so sorry I had no idea.”

“Yeah it sucked having two of my best friends not talking to me.” She gave me a scolding look before breaking out in that classic Kelley grin. I scooted over to her and wrapped my arms around her, her arm moved in reflex and pulled me closer.

“I’m still sorry. I don’t know why I was so mad.” I nuzzled my head into her and shut my eyes tight. I hated lying, but I hated being mad at Kelley, it was more effort than it was worth. And honestly, it just made me miss her more, instead of forgetting her or whatever it was I was trying to do.

“I know, but don’t be. I’m just glad we’re back like this.” She squeezed me again and I let out a soft giggle. It was too easy for me to just be in her arms. It was scary the amount of power she had over me, who knew that 5 foot squirrel from Georgia could be the one person in my life that could completely destroy me? Kelley certainly did not know that and I was sure I was okay with her not knowing, at least for now.

I had taken into consideration what Ali had told me and usually, I would be a go get what you want kind of girl. But with all the stuff Kelley was going through, with Tobin, with the national team. With me not knowing where I was going to be next season, not to mention I had never even thought about what my attraction to Kelley meant. I had always just accepted it, not even given a second thought to my own sexuality or how far I would go with it. I mean what if I got down to the nitty gritty and suddenly realised, _Oh shit! I’m straight!_

I was sure at that moment that I couldn’t tell Kelley anything about my feelings for her, but as we pulled away from each other and our eyes locked, we moved too slowly and too closely for friends. I could feel the heat of her breath on my skin, I could practically taste the alcohol, the heat of her hands became all I could concentrate on as I felt myself fall towards her. Our eyes were still locked on one another as she scooted back from me, clearing her throat and breaking our intense stare as quickly as she could.

“I have to go to bed.” I mumbled quickly, my eyes finding the floor as fast as the possibly good.

“I’m far too drunk.” I tried to save myself, even though I was convinced there was no way out of this. I grabbed my jacket and headed for the elevator.

“Night.”

“G’Night.” Kelley voice floated to me softly. I couldn’t bare to look back.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! 
> 
> Just a few things! 
> 
> Yes, I am back and I will try to update more regularly (hopefully should work this time bc col is taking a break)
> 
> Yes, I do read all your comments/guesses and I love them all.
> 
> No, I am not inconsistent with my facts! (side-eyes whoever said that) I have a time line which I am sticking to and have everything planned out. Everything is on a true timeline so I avoid giving too many dates so you can't figure out squads and teams and narrow down your guess-pool because I'm mean.
> 
> However, I may use my tools in such a way as to point you in the wrong direction because I still have to get through a year to get to present day and I don't want you knowing who it is so soon.
> 
> Also, I heard rumours of AO3 shutting down or something? Idk but I will continue to post on my tumblr if that happens. I'm hoping we'll get a warning so I'll post it up then. Or if you want it now just incase drop me a message.
> 
> Adios Amigos! Happy Holidays and I hope you have a chuffing good 2016! :D


	14. Chapter 14

Training the next morning, to put it politely, was a _bitch._

I had originally thought when I had run from Kelley, my excuses of drunkenness were merely that – _excuses_. But my head and body seemed to be telling me otherwise. There was nothing worse than getting your name yelled at you from five different directions at once, while running and having other people running at you. Maybe it was me being a tad sensitive but I wasn’t used to party like a college student anymore. Not that I thought we had to be honest but the proof seemed to be in my body.

It wasn’t until Kriegy came over to me that I started to perk up.

“Did you hear Tom called Kelley in?”

“What?”

“Yeah, she’s on her way in. I guess he decided she was too close for her not to be training with us?”

“Ali, I’m so hungover I don’t know if I can deal with her right now.”  The defender laughed at my groggy statement.

“You can’t deal with her? You mean, you don’t want her to see you in such a state?” Her smile was coy and I knew what she had said was partially true, but I wasn’t going to admit that.

“No, I mean I can’t deal with her smart arse comments. She never gets hangovers and always likes to rub it in my face.”

“Ah.” The defender nodded at me, the knowing smirk still plastered to her face.

 

* * *

 

 

When Kelley arrived, there was a bit of a ruckus. One of the new kids hadn’t met her properly yet so in classic KO fashion she pranked her. It was only poetic that Kelley who was once Mittsy’s prodigy was the one to carry on the tradition of camp pranks. Kelley’s victim was young Erika Tymrak who had been called up under the managers’ newbie rotation system.

I didn’t quite get to see what happened because I was dubious of seeing Kelley, but when I eventually arrived over, everyone was wetting themselves laughing and clapping. It seemed as if Tymmy had out-smarted Kelley, because the freckled defender was covered in water where Erika only had a sleeve wet. I was a bit bummed I didn’t get to see Kel get a taste of her own medicine but I was happy to stay anonymous for a while. My hangover may have left me but my worries didn’t.

“O’Hara, Tymrak. Get changed, or play wet. Full pitch in scrimmage in 5 Ladies!”

I watched as the youngster took off her shirt quickly revealing her toned stomach. It wasn’t unusual for girls to be superbly fit around here but paired with her notoriously short shorts, even I found myself swooning slightly at the rookie. That was soon taken over by what I’m ashamed to admit can only be described as an irrational jealous rage. Erika threw her shirt at Kelley who caught it immediately and winked before running off to get some water.

Kelley watched as the girl ran off before smirking to herself and shaking her head, swapping her own drenched shirt for the mostly dry one she had just caught. I saw Hope elbow her gently and gave her a questioning look to which the younger brunette replied with a shrug. Kelley and Hope had this deep understanding of each other where they rarely needed to actually speak allowed, but I knew Kelley just as well and I didn’t need words to understand her.

I could feel my blood boiling at them, not only the new kid, but at Kelley and Hope too for encouraging her. I knew I had no right to be jealous. I never took Ali’s advice but watching the flirtatious interaction just made me wish I had. Even if telling her about my feelings did ruin our friendship, I knew she’d be tactful enough to not flirt with hot girls in front of me. Maybe I could blame it on the last of the alcohol leaving my system.

The scrimmage started off as 8v8’s so we had a short tournament. There was the yellow team, which I was on, Kelley’s team was green, Tobs team was plain shirts and Tymraks’ team was skins. Which made my fists clench, of course she didn’t have to put a shirt on.

It was ironic the way the games played out. It was almost poetic with the situation we were in, I played against Tobin’s team first to try and get the chance to play with Kelley’s team but Kelley had to play Tymrak’s team first. The games were always goal-fests, it’s almost too easy to out pass your opponent. But saying that it’s easy to be out passed in return. It’s just a matter of who can score the most goals in the time we’re given.   

It was a good way to end a training session because no matter what position you played you always found yourself doing everything if you wanted to win and we were the competitive sort. Our game with Tobin’s team was tough but we had A-Rod up front and that lady was a machine! She seemed on top form today as well because everytime she touched the ball it ended up in the back of the net, no matter if it was from her feet or if she gave the assist. It was so impressive I almost wished I could have sat out and watched. The game was a gallant battle from both teams but we ended up getting the win 23 – 17.

Next up was Kelley and the greens vs Erika and the skins. I didn’t pay much attention to the match as a whole, my eyes were glued to the freckled girl from Georgia and the newest addition to the squad who had unsurprisingly decided to mark each other. I couldn’t take my eyes off their interactions and could help but let my muscles tense up a little each time I heard them giggling at each other, or their bodies met while trying to shield the ball. I was almost certain the younger player was doing it on purpose so she could get Kelley’s hands on her bare torso. I had to admit though, the new kid had some skill and her balls were so precise. I could see why Tom had called her up and I hated myself for admiring  her so much.

The game seemed close although I had to admit I had no clue what the score was, but I was sure we were playing the winner when Tom started yelling instructions. I started getting up, ready to rip into either team, I may have been the only one privy to my thoughts on Tymrak but I wanted to prove myself. I’d been here longer, I’d known Kelley longer, I can flirt like that and I can sure as hell play like that. I was only distracted from my self-motivational speech when I felt a hand on my arm.

“Play with me!” Kelley was panting, smiling broadly.

“What?” I looked up and found Kriegs staring at me expectantly with a few others looking at her.

“Come on, you know we’re a mean double team!” Her harm brown eyes were bright with excitement .

“O’Hara! Don’t try and cosy your way in with old teammates!” Tom yelled from the goalposts.

“Krieger what are you picking?”

Ali turned to me quickly.

“Wanna play with or against her?” It took me a second to catch up before I glanced over at Kelley who was still smiling like a goof at me.

“Against.” I said without taking my eyes off the freckled girl.

I gave her a cheeky smirk and started to pull my shirt over my head.

“It’s more fun that way isn’t it Kel?” I asked throwing her a cheeky wink. She stared at me and her jaw dropped.

I tucked my shirt into the side of my shorts and made my way over to my new found teammates.

“That’s more like it, hot stuff!” I felt a smack on my bum as I heard the soft voice behind me. I turned to see Ali, who gave me a proud nod of approval before taking her own shirt off and tucking it into her shorts. I laughed to myself but it gave me a small spout of courage, that was well appreciated.

It turned out Tymrak and I were a great pairing, she seemed to knew where I would be and her style of play complemented me well. I’d say between the two of us we must have scored the most goals out of the whole tournament. Which was much to Kelley’s frustration and seeing as she was now playing as left back, she had to mark me anyway. Erika didn’t complain and took a Cheney-like spot in the centre of the field. I made sure to press up against Kelley as much as I could, I wasn’t too sure if she was aware of what I was doing or if she could feel there was something different behind it but I could tell she was enjoying herself. She had the goofiest grin plastered across her face the entire time.

We were coming towards the end of the game when I felt myself really tiring out. The ball had gone out for a goal kick to the greens when I heard yelling.

“Press the wing! Press the wing! Up the field!” I turned to put pressure on Kelley but she was flying past me, the ball glued to her feet. I spun so fast I nearly tripped myself up trying to keep up with her. She had to be one of the fastest on the team and I knew I really had to empty the tank to keep up with her but there was no way I was letting her out-do me that quick. I caught up to her when she got to the attacking third, she slowed a bit and I wasn’t sure if she was gonna try take it inside and shoot or try nudge past me and send a cross in.

“Well this is different isn’t it?” She said breathily her feet looping the ball craftily. She faked left and tried to come inside me, I slipped slightly but made up for it. Still tracking her feet I gave her a coy smile because I knew she was laughing internally at my fall.

“Can’t hack it in your old age.”

“Shut up I’m younger than y – “ I looked up for a split second and she passed it to Tobin who sent it back to her quickly, she was now goal-side of me and placed the ball in the top right corner perfectly.  Hope had, well, no hope of saving that.

Kelley gave her team mate a high-five before trotting up beside me.

“Still distracted so easily.”

“Says you Squirrel!” I rolled my eyes playfully and she faked offense overly dramatically.

“Well little Nutcracker aren’t you a sore loser!”

“Actually Kel we won.” I laughed as the smile dropped from her face as she looked around to see everyone heading for the showers.

“Aw come on guys, we’ve loads of time before dinner we can still win!” She said loudly to her group, but there seemed to be a unanimous groan amongst the players.

“We’re not as energetic as you two anymore you know! Or as giddy!” Abby smiled at us. Her eyebrow raised slightly.

“But what are you even gonna do before dinner?” Kelley asked.

“How about your favourite thing! Winning!” She finished perfectly her comedic timing was yet another skill she had perfected.

“How about _my_ favourite thing!” Carli chimed in from beside Abby.

“An ice-bath!” With that Kelley groaned and everyone laughed.

 

The conversation was dropped until we came out of the showers. Most of the team were gone or headed for the ice-baths so there was only a few of us left. I had nothing on but a towel around my chest. I tended to take longer in the showers than most because I liked to reflect on the training session or the game, I found it therapeutic. Kelley was already out and mostly dressed, she was tousling her hair dry when I reached the bench with my stuff on it.

“Not used to tracking that far back are you?” She asked with a mischievous grin on her face.

“I usually don’t have to. You wouldn’t have gotten past the half way line if I hadn’t given you that head start.” I retorted easily. Her face changed immediately from smug to impressed.

“Well you haven’t forgotten how to talk trash, but you’ve forgotten how to defend.” I laughed.

“I’m actually good enough that I don’t need to be put into the backs.” I jibed a bit quieter than my last retort. If Cap or Broon heard me saying that I’d be hung up to dry.

“Ooh, you saying I’m not a good enough goal scorer. You seemed pretty impressed by that last screamer I scored.” I laughed as she moved closer to me, trying to act all tough.

“You lost Kelley. Get over it, nobody likes a sore loser.” I repeated her insult to me and her smirk turned innocent.

“I’m not a sore loser…” She pulled her shirt over her head still moving towards me.

“No?” I smiled. I couldn’t help but notice the way her hair curled around her face when it was drying, the shirt had pulled all her little baby hairs forward and she looked so young. I could have sworn she was 19 again.

“No, I’m just saying…” She stopped inches away from my face, her breathe was hot and sweet and I was sure I was blushing like hell.

“I’m gonna have to get you back for that.” Her words were simple, but her tone had changed and I wasn’t too sure if we were still talking about the game. I don’t think I had ever heard Kelley O’Hara’s voice like that, in my life, ever. Her words were soft but commanding, and slow and calculated – which was not Kelley at all – I would even say _sultry_?

I opened my mouth, but not a single sound escaped. My mouth was dry and I was in utter shock. Kelley’s eyes were latched on to mine, but they changed in an instant. Right back to the goofy, fun, cheeky Kelley that I knew.

“She poked me in the tummy lightly. Don’t look so scared, you should be used to losing to me by now!” She smiled and turned on her heel, flinging her bag over her shoulder and another shirt in her hand.

“Remember that table tennis tournament in London?”

“That was all Syd’s fault! She talked herself up and then never actually hit the table.”

“Yeah yeah…” She smiled over her shoulder as she left and I couldn’t help but let myself giggle at her childishness. She was such a goof and I adored it.


	15. Chapter 15

The tournament moved fast and I was glad of it. There haven’t been many times when our team don’t play well together and honestly I don’t know if I could put my finger on it myself.

The Algarve was much a cycle for myself and Kelley. We would grow closer and flirt more and then I’d get nervous and back off, or she would mention something about Tobin and I’d get sad and back off, until we slowly got back to normal and started flirting again. It was almost like false progress, every time I’d try to be brave, I’d compensate with being extra platonic the next time round. One step forward, two steps back.

When we came back from Europe everyone just wanted to start the league and forget about our miserable performance in Portugal. I didn’t mind so much. I loved Europe, there was a calming presence to the place, like a home away from home. But I was also excited to get back to the US for the NWSL. I felt like I hadn’t played a home-league in a lifetime.

I thought I’d be able to see Kelley more too, being in the same country is a good start but our schedules were a lot crazier than I had first thought they would be. When it came down to it with all the training, travelling to games, playing the game, travelling back from the games, I really didn’t want to do anything on my rest days except rest!  The first month was a blur; our schedules had barely any alignment. Still, phone conversations came easier nowadays and even if we couldn’t see each other in person, that wouldn’t stop us from sending each other the most ridiculous things during anytime of the day, or our sometimes bi-weekly catch ups over the airwaves.

After realising how jealous I could become at the innocent flirting of Tymrak and Kelley, I nearly had myself convinced that I had to take Kriegys advice. But I was so scared and convinced that if I tried to make a move and then couldn’t follow through I would ruin not only my chances with Kelley, but also our years of friendship. I mean how awkward would that be?

I needed to take a leap and try something out. Which shouldn’t have been a problem for me at all, as I’ve said, I’m a make a goal then get it kinda girl. But there was just a looming doubt in my mind about the whole thing that made me so scared and apprehensive about all of it. I thought about joining dating websites for women, but thought what if a fan finds out and it’s headline news? I didn’t want to be someone who cared about their public image – but apparently I already was.

It was late April when I got to see Ali, she had been helping me with the Kelley situation for a long time, even before I knew there _was_ a Kelley situation. Come to think of it, when she first told me she would have Kelley’s back, I think she was also insinuating she’d have mine. I was sort of amazed at how intuitive she was, though simultaneously not surprised at all. That woman can do anything.

“So why exactly do you think she’s not serious?” Ali asked me, as I unlocked the door to my apartment.

“Why should I think she is serious? It’s Kelley she flirts with everyone?”

“But surely you of all people would know the difference between friend flirting and something more. I mean we all watched the transition Tobin and Alex went through!”

“Well, sure I know the difference, but it’s easier to see it than it is to feel it.” I cocked an eyebrow hoping I was explaining myself correctly.

“Well does it feel different then?”

I thought about it for a moment. The intensity of our relationship had changed, that was for sure. But maybe that was just from being closer together? Kelley was a high octane person and I was definitely up on her level, we just fed off each other and kept growing until we had our own personal supernova of happiness. I mean I liked my own time, my own space but when I was with Kelley I was relaxed I barely needed to give myself a time out. It was as if being with her just took all my worries away, there was no need to destress if I wasn’t stressed in the first place.

“Yeah it does, but maybe that’s just because I know now how _I_ feel.”

I watched Ali’s reaction. It was miniscule but I was sure she wanted to laugh.

“What?” Her smirk unnerved me.

“How _do_ you feel?” I stared blankly. Surely she knew, surely I had told her already?

“You’ve never said it out loud have you?” She nudged me gently, leaning across the counter and taking one of my many pre-filled water bottles. I nearly scoffed at her, before realising she was right.

“Oh my god.” I whispered to myself and Ali broke out in laughter.

“It’s no wonder you’re so scared to do anything when you’ve never even said it.”

I watched her as she drained half the water bottle. There was soft tap on the door and the Spirits’ number one entered my apartment. I must have looked really shocked or something because as soon as she saw my face, her expression changed.

“What did I miss?” She asked pulling up a seat beside the brunette who was grinning at me widely. Ash looked between us confused for a moment until I couldn’t keep quiet. My breathing became unbearable as if I had to say the words or keep silent and hold my breath forever.

“I like girls.”

Ashlyn looked at me again and as if they were psychically connected, the two footballers broke into laughter.

“I didn’t miss _anything_ then?” The blonde laughed taking up her girlfriends’ water bottle and draining the rest of it.

“Hey!” Ali slapped her arm playfully.

“What?! It’s not as if there’s a shortage!” Ashlyn chuckled nodding towards the rows of bottles on my counter.

I couldn’t believe how fast they had just returned to normal Ali and Ash. It relaxed me, made me feel normal again. I mean of course these two were accepting, it would be ridiculous if they weren’t but there was something comforting in it happening right in front of my eyes. It was as if I had said any old sentence, Ash would make a joke Ali would chastise her adoringly and life would continue.

It gave me a surge of confidence and pride and hope. So I thought fuck it lets go again.

“I’m in love with Kelley.”

The two of them stopped dead. Uh oh, maybe that was too much.

“Fuck.” My breathing sped up and I started to panic. Not so much at the fact that the other two were staring at me in shock, but the magnitude of what I had just said hit me like a freight train.

“I’m in love with Kelley.” I wasn’t meant to say it again but it was the only thing that was on my mind. I looked between the two women in front of me.

“I’m in love with Kelley O’Hara.” I told them in the most confident whisper I had ever managed in my life.

Ashlyn reached across the countertop and took my hand.

“It’s alright kiddo, we’re here for you.”

I could barely hear her voice. I felt like I was underwater and the goalkeeper was a distant voice from up above. I walked over to my couch in a trance and sat down. The other two followed quietly exchanging looks in some sort of private language that involved nothing but eye contact, grimaces and shrugs.

“It’s gonna be alright.” Ali assured me, sitting next to me and wrapping an arm around me. As she brought me back to reality, I realised how scared I was and why. Yes, I was scared I could ruin my relationship with Kelley, yes I was scared of the repercussions it would have on my career and my life, yes I was scared people wouldn’t accept me, yes I was scared I’d be rejected. But most of all, I was terrified of how I felt. I was terrified of the power the little freckled left back had over me. I was terrified of loving her and losing her. I was terrified because I had never felt anything close to the way I felt with Kelley.

I was terrified because I knew that I would never meet anyone else like Kelley O’Hara. So maybe she was my only chance at happiness.

It took me a while to calm down after that. I cried for a bit and Ali held me and Ashlyn tried to cheer me up by telling jokes or making silly comments just to annoy Ali. I wanted what they had so bad, I could just imagine it. Me in the kitchen baking a cake or something and Kelley making ridiculous jokes about me having a bun in the oven and I’d say: _I don’t have a bun in the oven, it’s a cake_. And she’d come up behind me and hold me and whisper; _would you like a bun in the oven?_ And I’d laugh because, _hate to break it to you Kel but that’s not how it works_.

“I want to get drunk.” I said finally once I had stopped myself from shaking in Ali’s arms and laughed at a couple of their stories.

Ali perked up at the words and smiled at me like it was a great idea. That woman was secretly a party animal I just knew it. Ashlyn looked at me abrasively though.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

 

“Yes. You guys should bring me to a gay bar and set me up with a girl so I can kiss her and then be confident with Kelley. It’s the perfect plan.” I smiled looking between them. Ali seemed convinced.

 

“You’re just gonna… Dive right in?”

 

“I would hardly call this _diving right in_ Ash!” Ali laughed at the goalkeeper and then back to me.

 

“It’s a great idea. It’ll calm some of your nerves, get rid of some of your fears and take your mind off the worry even if it’s only just for one night.” The right back directed her reasoning more towards her partner. And it seemed to work almost immediately Ashlyn shrugged and nodded giving us her classic:

 

“You usually know best Al.”

 

 

 

The rest of a night was a bit of a blur if I’m honest. I wasn’t sure if I was drinking to forget the severity of my confession earlier or to get the confidence up to kiss someone. I wasn’t sure if we were in a gay bar, but to be honest it seemed like there was no ugly people in whatever bar we _were_ in.

 

The night progressed quickly, there was a lot of dancing and talking and something that was excused as dancing but was definitely more like some sort of sensual touching and rubbing. Everyone around seemed to be getting in the mood and I had plenty of chances. I had some guys try to chat me up and some girls. It was only when I myself had approached a couple of girls and chickened out that Ali and Ash pulled me into the booth.

 

I couldn’t tell if they were as drunk as I was but they were definitely enjoying themselves.

 

“What’s going on?! You haven’t gotten any action!” Ali sounded disappointed but also playful.

 

“I don’t know, I guess nobody’s doing it for me…” I shrug it off not really thinking about it. I was having a good time anyway, did it really matter if I got to kiss a girl.

“Jeez she’s trying to click with them Al.” Ashlyn rolled her eyes, before leaning into me.

 

“You’re in love with Kelley kid, nobody here is gonna meet your criteria because you’ve already got someone who does.”

 

I stared blankly for a moment, translating her muffled sounds into a sentence I could repeat in my head.

 

“Maybe that’s the problem.” I slur slightly, pointing my beer in their direction.

 

“I only wanna kiss Kelley. If I build it up and think about it then I ain’t gonna do it.” I moved my bottle with my hands and some beer slushed out onto my knee.

 

“It feels wrong. And I’m whipped already. Isn’t that sad? And I can’t not think about it because, well, they’re not her are they and all I want is her.”

 

I pursed my lips and let my eyes roll between the two spirit players. They were having one of their silent conversations again. Ali had a questioning eyebrow and Ashlyn was looked me over cautiously, before shrugging and nodding towards her defender.

 

“Do you think you could move forward with Kelley without knowing though?”

 

I contemplate for a moment. I know I liked girls and I knew I was in love with Kelley, but I mean how could I _know_? How do you really _know_ anything? I knew I was too cautious to make a move with the USWNT’s no.5 before knowing for sure that I could give her what she deserved.

 

I shook my head.

 

“No, I guess I’ll have to wait until someone sneaks up on me or something.” I look up to see Ash waving at someone behind me. I guessed she wasn’t listening, she gestured for the person to come over and my curiosity got the better of me so I turned.

 

I was met immediately by soft lips pressing into mine a blur of brunette hair and brown eyes obscuring my view before I fell into the kiss, closing my eyes and raising a hand to cup the strangers face.

 

I think I knew it wasn’t a stranger, but I was drunk and I know I wanted to believe it was someone else. Besides, the kiss was nothing like I would’ve imagined. (If I had ever imagined – which I hadn’t)

 

My senses were tingling, I was tasting a new alcohol on my lips. My nose was full of a sweet familiar smell, sweet and tantalizing but the pressure against my lips and the hand coiled into my hair was anything but sweet. There was a command in every stroke of her tongue, a lesson in every tug of my hair. Her lips were soft and gentle and tender but fierce and unsatiable.

 

When her lips finally pulled away and I blinked open my eyes to see my international teammate smirking back at me I nearly laughed. I had always believed Ashlyn was the dominant one in the relationship, even after Ali had told me the story of her making the first move. But with the way Ali had just kissed me I knew she always got what she wanted.

 

I sat there opened mouthed for a moment as Ali returned to her place beside the lips she should be kissing.

“What…” I tried to for a sentence, looking nervously at the goalkeeper as if she was going to start yelling at me any second. But instead she just laughed and shrugged picking her drink up and sucking on the straw.

 

“Had to surprise you.” She said her straw still between her teeth.

 

“Was hot.” She winked at me and nudged the defender who was looking at me intently.

 

“Well?” She asked, expectantly waiting for me to say something. I felt my cheeks redden – did she want me to evaluate her kiss or something.

 

“It was great, you’re really good at taking control…” I started nervously and Ashlyn nodded excitedly looking towards her other half with a sleazy grin on her face.

 

“Not that JEEZ! Are you good now you’ve kissed a girl?”

 

I was sure my cheeks burned a darker shade of red but I let my brain think for a while. I wasn’t attracted to Kriegy I mean sure, she’s great and beautiful, but I’d never seen her as anything more than a friend and a mentor. But I really enjoyed that kiss, I mean it could be that Ali is just an incredible kisser but I definitely liked the straight of differences between kissing a guy and kissing Ali. Ali was much more responsive to anything I would do, her lips more tentative, more giving.

 

“Yeah.” I nodded after a moment and then more confidently.

 

“Yes, thank you.” I smiled and the brunette smiled back at me.

 

“You’re welcome and you’re not too bad yourself!” She winked and we all laughed before partying the rest of the night away.

 

As one could imagine, the bizarre-ness of my night made me think I had been having some weird dairy-product induced dreams. But as I rolled over in my bed and reached towards my phone, immediately sending Kelley a text. I knew my confidence had grown and it wasn’t from a weird dream.

 

**Hey, we need to see each other soon. I’m having withdrawals and I still have your cardinal shirt from ages ago! X**


End file.
